| the good time's gonna come |
[23 May 2009|11:58am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Elvis Presley - Jailhouse Rock |
] |
-I feel reclusive. Not sure why.-
-Camping this weekend should be fun. Our counter parts are going; hopefully, if all goes well.-
-I'm not entirely sure how to feel about this situation yet. We'll see-
|
|
| Here's to new beginnings... |
[22 May 2009|03:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 grateful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Journey - Don't Stop Believin |
] |
I'm not sure what it was that made me feel so inclined to start up live journal again; possibly nostalgia...maybe i simply needed at outlet of some sort. Either way i'm going to do my best to keep it up. I'm horrible at the whole keeping a journal thing. well, here goes nothing...
A lot of changes going on in my life right now. It's like puberty all over again without the same feeling of awkwardness. It feels right this time.
Yeah, I got it right this time.
I'm finally figuring out what I need to be doing for myself without letting anything stop me;. I couldn't keep up that vicious cycle I found myself in.
I am truly happy. With myself, with friends, with family...everything is where it needs to be.
<3
|
|
| 17 years and still going.... |
[11 Mar 2007|03:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 constantly shit on |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
AFI |
] |
you have made it quite clear that change is impossible for you. sometimes i get my hopes up, thinking maybe today is the day it will all be different; maybe today is the day that she comes to her senses and realizes that this is no way to be.
but no.
everytime, i come to this same realization - there is no room for change is your life; you will never send a kind word anyone's way unless it benefits you in some way, you could never think of anyone but yourself, and you will ALWAYS be the same manipulative, cold-hearted, calculating bitch i have grown up with and always known you to be.
you will never cease to be, all you know how to be.
shame.
---------------------------------------
-i hate cunt-bag whores-
drained emotionally,
looking for a place to fit in...
i can't take her shit right now.
fuck you, simply, for being you.
|
|
| dear ::your name here:: |
[22 Feb 2007|01:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 listless |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Thrice - Silhouette |
] |
i guess sometimes,
when you're in a position to reinvent yourself,
you take that opportunity and do it;
it doesn't come around often.
i'm sorry it took me so long to understand that.
i will always miss who you were.
<3
|
|
| =( |
[28 Jul 2006|02:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 worried |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
RENT - light my candle |
] |
i'm worried.
i'm tired of worrying.
i want to be done.
i need this.
i wish it was mutual.
i love the reassurence.
<3
|
|
| the nerve of some people... |
[03 Jun 2006|04:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cranky |
] |
so dylan is still an asshole.
why is it that the people who need to change,
never do.
and the people that do change,
are usually the ones who you end up missing who they were?
fuck man.
|
|
| been days... |
[02 Jun 2006|08:31pm] |
i want to go do something.
i can handle being inside.
let me out.
|
|
| a year ago... |
[19 Sep 2005|12:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Playhouse Disney on TV |
] |
i wouldve never known friendships would be made and broken.
best friends lost, new ones gained.
but the old ones still deeply missed.
i gave what i had, and opened up.
even though you called it,
i didnt listen.
didnt see it coming.
i didnt want to.
still don't.
i wouldve never guessed my aquaintence,
Ashley Jene Mother Fucking Holland-Walter would come to live with me.
and form one of the best friendships i could ever have asked for in my life.
lots of disagreements, lots of making up.
lots of late night adventures,
and plenty of memories made.
someone who knows me as me.
i couldnt have known that i would get to spend my days with the most amazing boy ive ever met.
friendship first;
something ive never tried before.
he's to blame for this smile that never leaves my face.
punkin.
<3
change.
someting i dont adapt to well,
but i think i'm doing okay.
yeah...
i'm doing okay.
: )
|
|
| mi se preocupa |
[07 Sep 2005|02:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 stressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
all that theme music |
] |
Soy perdió. Quiero conseguir este comenzado porque sé será maravilloso, y
quiero felicidad, pero haya todo que sostiene esto trasero. ella. que me
pregunto si él cuida tanto como él dice que él lo hace. odio que
necesito constantemente ser tranquilizado. soy inseguro. apenas lo quiero que. quiero esto. nos quiero.
|
|
| girls |
[06 Sep 2005|06:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 irritated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
napalm parkfront - december confines?...the sweatshirt song |
] |
fake.
a more suiting word has never been chosen
for this girl, especially.
shes amusing none the less though,
but im getting tired of the same game.
<3
|
|
| september is always the coldest month of the year |
[05 Sep 2005|03:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cynical |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
brand new - okay, i believe you, but my tommy gun dont |
] |
i hate this house.
it was never a home.
half a stick of gum,
a desire to get out,
and i find myself wrapped up
in a copeing process i once knew so long ago.
open vagueness is comfort.
out in public screaming,
with no one around to hear,
but hoping desperatly that i overlooked someone,
and they care enough to ask.
this is me screaming
..."help".
|
|
| moving on with my feet glued to the ground |
[28 Aug 2005|12:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
dunno |
] |
i let my guard down.
for the first time in my life,
i trusted someone with all i have.
and in light of recent events,
i have realized...
i still trust this person with all i have.
how is that?
when ordinarily i would have just put that block i have right back up,
i am finding that this time i can't.
i've never felt like this before.
i've never been so vunerable.
he's worth it.
always has been,
always will be.
<3
|
|
| a ballad to miss ashley walter |
[21 Aug 2005|09:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 empty |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Napalm Parkfront |
] |
my trust in you,
now lost,
has left me feeling cold and empty.
i feel like i am suffering,
and you are okay with that.
you caused a portion of it,
and yet,
you are still okay with that.
i want to help you,
but it looks to me like you don't want to help yourself.
why is that?
you're worth it you know.
you are.
yes, you messed up.
but so does eveyone else God made.
why are you so hard on yourself for it?
don't use it as your excuse to not care anymore.
you're fuck ups aren't that much better than everyone else's.
yes, i am too scared to call you up to talk.
maybe it's that im afraid you wont address the problem,
or maybe i'm afraid i wont.
i could be afraid of it not working out,
or i could be afraid that it will;
and maybe i'm just past the point of wanting it to.
the point is, i don't know anymore.
i'm unsure of myself,
of you,
and what we called a friendship.
co-dependent is my label.
i need you.
that scared me.
how could i, someone who never needs anything,
or depends on anyone,
become so dependent on you?
my friend.
just something as simple as having you around.
how could you, somone who called themself my friend,
hurt me without even thinking twice about it?
i didn't/don't understand that.
and now after i told you what i thought about you,
about everything,
you still remain silent without so much as a word to say to me.
tell me,
what are we supposed to do?
what am i supposed to do if you're not willing to try?
do i really seem that pointless to you?
am i that worthless?
tell me,
is it really that easy for you to leave?
and if it is,
why is it so hard for me to see you go?
i don't know what you want.
|
|
| trash... |
[10 Aug 2005|03:14am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crappy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
montague - the beachball song |
] |
im tired of being thrown away.
...by everyone.
why is it so hard for me to let go,
but it comes so easily to everyone else?
i just want someone to care.
is that so much to ask?
|
|
| i hate horoscopes |
[02 Aug 2005|12:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Punk'd on TV |
] |
Forecast for Scorpio
by Your Astrologer, Kelli Fox, and Astrology.com
02 August 2005: You can't control your emotions, but you can control your actions. If you feel like you're in freefall because of a recent event, just roll with it rather than trying to make it better. If you allow yourself to see the situation as it really is rather than trying to turn it into what you want it to be, you might actually start to enjoy yourself. Learn to relinquish control and you'll gain a whole lot of peace.
that just basically repeated exactly what eric wann said last night. it's kind of freaking me out.
|
|
| tossing and turning.... |
[01 Aug 2005|04:22am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
scared |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Frank Sinatra - In The Wee Small Hours of The Morning |
] |
i have a million and two things going on in my head right now. i don't know what to do, or what to think or feel. i tossed and turned for over and hour...i just can't sleep. i feel awful, but i don't know why. who am i kidding...i know why. i just don't want to admit it. everything has just piled all up on me, and i can't handle it all at once. now, when i needed my friend more than ever, i turned around, and he was gone. now, when i thought i was pretty much clear on how things worked...i get a surprise. what am i supposed to do?
i just don't know anymore.
why am i so shaken?
for right now, i'm going to go turn on some sinatra, lay down, let my mind wander where it will, and try to get some sleep.
goodnight lovlies
<3
|
|
| just my luck |
[24 Jul 2005|11:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 gloomy |
] |
tossed out like yesterdaty garbage.
eh, sad thing is...i'm used to it.
how did i become so attached to something i never thought i could've wanted?
all i know is i want back what i never had.
<3
|
|
| from now on... |
[24 Jul 2005|10:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
irritated |
] |
i will simple say no. there isn't any explination needed for their ears to hear.
i'm tired of being a convienience.
<3
|
|
| i may not cry... |
[24 Jul 2005|11:58am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
complacent |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
frank sinatra |
] |
but i sure do listen to a hell of a lot of sinatra.
i think it evens out.
<3
|
|
| fun fun fun... |
[23 Jul 2005|11:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
guilty |
] |
so tonight sucked.
hardcore.
fuck.
i hate myself.
it's all my fault.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
bleedxthextruth's journal